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| Friday, December 9th, 2005 | | 10:45 am |
Not so good news!
I woke up this morning and Greg turned on the news as he always does to check the weather. They came across the screen with the breaking news announcement and on there they announced that Napa Auto Parts on University Blvd West and I-95 has burned down. The fire started at around 3:00 a.m. and took over 50 fire fighters to get under control. WELL MY DAD USED TO WORK AT THAT STORE! They don't know what started it but my dad just got a phone call to turn on the news and that he would not be going in to work today. I swear they showed pictures of it and there is nothing left. That fire was one of the worst they have seen in a while. I called my mom a little while ago and she said that my dad is just walking around the house like he doesn't know what to do. She said that he has been called the Haines street head quarters for a meeting to discuss what is going to happen now. I just hope they rebuild the store. That particular store is the highest grossing store in the city and is a great location for them and for my dad. He only lives three miles from the place. I suspect they will rebuild but I know they can't begin the process until the investigation is complete as to what started the fire. I feel so sorry for my dad. I wonder what I can do to cheer him up? Current Mood:  distressedCurrent Music: James Blunt "So long Jimmy" | | Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 | | 11:48 am |
| | Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005 | | 2:57 pm |
Worried about Matt
My cousin Leah is probably going through the hardest thing she has ever been through right now. Her husband is currently laying in a hospital in Tacoma, Washington with Kidney Failure and they have no idea why. So here is what I know from the beginning. From what I understand is that Matt went to Navy Wrestling tryouts and when he got home that night he said he did not feel that good, but chalked it up to the exercise he had just done. The next day he went to work like usual for his shift, came home grabbed leah and said he was going to the ER because he felt horrible. The next thing I know Matt is on Dialysis to cleanse his kidneys. The next day I get an email from my grandmother stating that Matt has not improved and they are flying him to Tacoma, Washington to a different hospital. So as of right now he is in critical condition with kidney failure, cause unknown, his son's second birthday was yesterday the 22nd and Matt is asking for Ian, to see him just in case he dies. The hospital is not holding out much hope because they have requested for Leah's parents and Matt's parents to fly to Washington to work out details in case he does pass. Like I said I do not know how Leah is holding it together. As soon as my mother told me I got upset because my biggest fear is if somehthing happened to Greg or my sister. I just don't think I could handle it. I am not religious by any means but someone say a prayer for Matt. Current Mood:  worried | | Wednesday, November 16th, 2005 | | 4:22 pm |
My Weekend...
This Weekend was full of surprises and excitement. My friends Carrie Anne and Dan flew in from London and had a stop here in Jacksonville to visit Greg and I and the left today to head down to Venice, Florida to visit with her family for the holiday. I had a great time with them, I only hope they were not to bored. Jacksonville is not exactly London. It is very difficult to think of interesting things to show and do here in this town. I also had to leave them by themselves all day on Monday. My poor sister was admitted to the hospital on Saturday for her Gall bladder and had to have it removed on Monday. Needless to say she has been in the hospital from Saturday to today with no medical insurance. I can completely understand the terror she is feeling over that bill. I really hope that they eventually qualify for some assistance. So Carrie Anne and Dan seemed to have a reasonably good time, and I really enjoyed seeing them. It is certaintly nice to have somebody in town my age to talk to now that everyone is gone. I know we say it all the time but I really hope that Greg and I can go to London to visit them again. I think it would be very enjoyable for Greg to see everything that we do not have here in the States. I will write more later. Current Mood:  working | | Saturday, October 29th, 2005 | | 10:50 pm |
Sigh...
It seems nobody posts and comments on my journal anymore, nobody loves me... Okay enough of that crap, I did end up getting the tattoo that I mentioned in my last post. It turned out awesome and Mac is the Man. He modified it a little bit by thinning the lines out and making it more femine. He also added a few other touches. I am thrilled with it. It was funny because when we went to the shop It was me and Mary getting the tattoos. I thought she was going to go first because that was the way it had been discussed. Well i guess Mary set me up and all of a sudden while I am looking at the art work on the walls Mac calls me back and is was like you ready. Well I guess so can't go home now. Over all the tattoo was not to bad. However, I am not going to lie it fucking hurt on my foot but I can with stand the pain enough I could do it again. Once I was done with my tatto Mac suprised us and said that he could do the tattoo that Greg wanted. So Mac free handed (by the way my tattoo was completely free handed, no stencils here. It was awesome!) a heart on greg with a banner and in that banner he copied a signiture of Greg's moms handwriting and put that in there as well as a butterfly on the top of the heart. It truly came out awesome and now he has his moms handwriting with him forever. Then Mary did her tattoo. It has two dolphins coming out of the water with a sunset, palm trees and just some reall awesome colors. Below it she has a banner with the word Mum because that is what she called her and then her birthdate and death date. It is truly one nice tattoo. I think it is her best so far. So it seems Greg and i are in a bit of transition right now. I hate my job and would desperately love to quit, we have a friend who wants us to move to Oregon, and then Tess and Robert would love for us to move to Tallahassee and finally be together again. Man would I love to do all of it but I simply do not know what the right thing to do is. It comes down to the fact that my mother is never going to ever get any better and my grandmother is beginning to show her age and can no longer drive and I don't think she will be able to drive again. That remains to be seen though. So I am going to quit talking about this right now because it has been really depressing me lately and I want to get away from that Topic. So I have never formally written out things that I want to accomplish in my life before I get old and Gray but one of those things that I really wanted to do was learn to sew. So for the past while I have been working on projects with my grandmother but now I have actually signed up for a class at Fccj. The teacher is really nice, her and I work at downtown together, so we have a good time hanging out together. I have learned alot and I even sat down and worked on one project completely on my own without having to run to my grandmother or my teacher. I won't tell you what it is I made because it is for my brothers soon to be baby and I don't want to give it away just yet. I hope he and Mel will be excited about it because I am personally proud of it. I promised it would not be baby blue like everything else in the world for a baby boy and i have certaintly done that. Greg picked out the fabric and it is pretty cool. So after this semester is over I signed up for the only other sewing class that is available. After that class is over I am going to move to JU and take the glass blowing class. That will be the next project on the horizon.... So that is all for now maybe more later. Current Mood: creativeCurrent Music: Washing Machine | | Monday, October 10th, 2005 | | 3:08 pm |
Tattoo
I am getting a new tattoo on Sunday. Check out the link and you can see what the inspiration is for the tattoo. http://www.tahititatou.com/manoengl_0.htmlI have chosen this look because I really like polynesian tattoos and the fact that I love the tropical life. If I had my choice I would be down in the keys amongst all the hibiscus plants and the sun. I am going to put it on my foot because I want to be able to cover plus I have wanted a foot tattoo forever now. Let me know what you think about it. The next tattoo that I will be getting is going to be on my back and it will be something polynesian again or the native northwest indian art. It will represent greg and I without tattooing his name on my body. I have to do some research on the idea though. Current Mood:  excited | | 2:46 pm |
Insights...
I can't say I ever really have any grand ephonoies or anything like that but I do have small ah ha moments that make me realize something about the world or about myself. I must say I have figured out two things about myself, nothing grand, nothing life changing just some things that I must realize and live with good or bad. 1. I care extremely to much about my family and the way people view me. 2. I want to spend the rest of my life no matter what leading a happy life with Greg. So to explain number 1. I sat down the other day to plan out my schedule for the week and I realized that I am guilted into so much of what I do. For example I thought Monday, I need to work then we will have dinner with Grammy. On Tuesday I will spend the day with Grammy and then eat dinner with her and Greg because on Wednesdays Greg and I do dinner by ourselves because I work all day and he has to do homework for the hospital. On Thursdays I spend the day with Grammy again and then I go to my sewing class in the evening. On Friday I try to eat dinner with my parents because I haven't seen them in a week and they are asking me where am I at and when am I coming to visit. On Saturday's I go to the next available person usually a family member such as Mary because we all love Mary and Love to hang out with her and Sunday I sleep until 8:00 a.m. then do stuff for the day, then laundry and then maybe my show of the week. So with the exception of our visit with Mary I feel guilt most of the time. Mainly I feel guilt because I know my grandmother is alone 24/7 and right now she can't drive so her only direct contact is Greg and I. Then I turn around and feel immensely guilty about the fact that I do not spend enough time with my mother to help her out because she can't drive either and so on... It is a never ending cycle and it bites. So number 2 the deal with Greg is he makes me happy. He is the person who balances me out and makes everything okay. I managed to marry someone completely opposite of my parents and I think god for that everyday. I don't mean anything against my parents but dammit we all know their problems and they could certainly use some counseling. When I am away from him and around other people all I can think is man I am lucky, my husband would never make me do that, my husband helps me with that, my husband cooks and cleans...etc. I am not saying he is a god because by no means is he not. He is not perfect with money, he gets bored easily and other things but the number one thing is he is considerate. If he asks you how you are doing today he expects you to answer and he will listen to you and not pretend like most of us do. He checks on everyone and makes sure they are okay. He has high expectations and succeeds at most things he attempts. He pushes me to do the best that I can and he just takes care of me when I have to take care of so many others. His momma raised him right and I thank her for that. So I will quit going on about him. Well... that is my thoughts for today. Nothing great, just random things that I think about a lot. Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: People talking in the background | | 7:51 am |
Unexpected Surprise!
I got some pretty neat news yesterday, My Nana has found her long lost Cousin that she has not seen since childhood during the 1940's in South Africa. Her parents and his parents worked in the diamond mines and when her family went back to Scotland and then moved to the states she lost touch with him. His name is Hamish Grant and my aunt Holly was the one who managed to locate him. They have proven that it is him because they have exchanged childhood pictures while talking this week. He apparently is an artist, pretty good actually, he and his wife live in England with one of his daughters and the other daughters live in Cape Town, South Africa and one lives in Birmingham, AL. I told Nana she needs to get him to come and visit so we can meet him, maybe he will come to the games in February. I think I will email him soon and introduce myself. I don't know we will see. If anyone wants to look at his website I am putting up the link. http://www.art2art-publications.com Current Mood: chipperCurrent Music: Clock | | Monday, October 3rd, 2005 | | 1:04 pm |
| | Monday, September 26th, 2005 | | 9:06 am |
I miss her so much...
I just want to let everyone know who matters that my Mother In Law passed away on Tuesday Sept 20th around 1:00 p.m. In many ways we expected it and in many other ways we did not. I miss her so much! She was one of the most loving people I have ever met. I am thankful that she passed that on to her children because they are some of the best people ever. They all know how to treat people with respect and they took care of her the best that they could all these years. I love you Sandy and I will miss you! I will write more later. Current Mood:  indescribable | | Monday, September 19th, 2005 | | 1:23 pm |
So Very Tired...
I know I, Greg, Mary and Greg Sr. are all very tired after this weekend. We all got to sleep some but each day we went to bed later and later and got up earlier and earlier. This whole weekend has been so horrible. Greg's mother has taken a serious turn for the worse. It is so hard to comprehend that one day Sandy is talking to us and for the most part making sense and then the next day she is in coma like sleep for 24 hours and counting. The hospice nurse is concerned about her, they are taking her to Brunswick so they can put her under surveillance. So it sounds like she will be there for a couple of days so that they can monitor her. I only hope she will wake up sometime soon. Work is going okay. I have been here since seven this morning and I should get done about 9:00 p.m. I hope grammy doesn't run me to ragged tomorrow because all I want to do is sleep. I know that she has a hair appointment in the morning though. So I am getting tired now and beginning to ramble. I think I will write more later when I can make more sense. Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: Click Clock | | Saturday, September 17th, 2005 | | 2:37 pm |
Memories Flash Back...
God last night Mary and I went to walmart and then in to Papa John's to pick up a pizza that Sandy wanted after she got out of the ER and it instantly brought back so many memories. The reason I say this is because Greg and I met working together at Papa John's. The smell was exactly the same, the look of the store was the same, the girl looked about as old as I did when I worked there and she was covered from head to toe in flour just like I always was. Greg says he fell in love with me because I was cute and he liked the way I looked in my uniform. He also liked that I was always covered in flour especially my belly because that was right where the flour table hit me. God papa johns was the the place where I had so many firsts. It was my first job, the first place that I really had friends separate from my sister Tessa, my first Kiss from Greg, he was truly my first and only love. we used to sit out back and just talk and sit and occasionally kiss, then Greg got his apartment down the road and we started hanging out there. To this day I still can't believe my parents let me go over there. I mean I was only 16. I probably would have gone over there anyways but at least it would have been with a fight. Thank god I was smart enough to protect myself in every way. Greg and I made it through learning about each other and we are still together and I love everyday. He truly is one of the best people I have ever met in my life. I have never met some one so willing to help others without getting anything in return. He balances me out perfectly because I think I am pretty selfish at times and he forces me to face the facts and get over it. He gets along with everybody and for the most part he keeps his cheery attitude. Every now and then i have to chear him up but it usually does not last that long. SO I could write so much more about my time with greg and papa john's but i wil keep those little facts to myself. :) later. Current Mood:  nostalgicCurrent Music: linkin park | | 2:27 pm |
Funny how things can get worse...
The saying that things can't get any worse. That is bullshit. This weekend has been so tiring and emotionally draining. Greg's mom is extremely sick and has been for quite some time. However, these past few weeks she has gotten progressively worse. To the point she can't rember a lot of stuff and she struggles to remeber the most basic of things. Well she had to go to the ER the other day and I believe that trip prolonged her life for her. Since getting home she is now no longer able to be left alone and Hospice has been called in. Greg and I managed to make it to the house before the hospice nurse left after her first visit. WEll the woman was explaining things to him and she says that from here on out if she needs to go to the hospital like the ER or anything that is no longer allowed, she will no longer go to doctor visits, her medication will come from hospice etc... The reason being is Sandy signed a long time ago a DNR, do not resuatate form. Well because of that if she reaches the point that she needs to be taken to the hospital then she cannot. She has stated that she does not want to be saved. She has signed her death warrant... It is hard to hear that or think about it. I hope the family is prepared for this. The doc's give her less than 6 months. Current Mood: distressedCurrent Music: the annoying t.v. | | Friday, September 2nd, 2005 | | 8:29 am |
I AM SO PISSED!!!!
WHERE THE HELL IS ALL THE HELP THAT 9/11 VICTIMS RECEIVED? WHAT IS THE PRESIDENT DOING TO FIX THE PROBLEM GOING ON IN NEW ORLEANS. THESE PEOPLE ARE DYING, AND SITTING IN THEIR OWN SHIT. THEY ARE OUT OF FOOD AND THEY ARE ANGRY. WHERE IS ALL THE STAR POWER THAT THE TSUNAMI VICTIMS RECEIVED? WHERE IS ASSISTANCE FROM ALL THE INTERNATIONAL COUNTRIES? WE HELP SO MANY OTHER COUNTRIES AND NO ONE CAN STEP IN TO HELP US? I AM PISSED OFF WITH THIS WORLD AND HOW LITTLE REGARD EVERYONE HAS FOR AMERICA IN OUR TIME OF NEED... Current Mood:  infuriated | | Wednesday, August 31st, 2005 | | 1:18 pm |
It's all gone...
New Orleans almost ceases to exist at this point from the distruction of Hurricane Katrina. The city is 80% under water and the water is still rising due to levees breaking. The Govenor of La is asking that everyone abandon the city and take higher ground. That it will take at least a month to fix the levees and pump the water out. It could also be more than 4 months before people can even come close to returning to view what might be left of their homes. The superdone housed thousands of people during the hurricane and it is now having to be evacuated because of the rising flood waters. Many of the people are being taken to Houston's superdome for shelter. There is almost nothing left... I will write more later, I am cannot think about this any more today. Current Mood:  morose | | Monday, August 29th, 2005 | | 7:53 pm |
Oh when do I get to have my own life...
Greg and I were just talking this weekend about our plans for the future, do we want to travel around, move to another state, when do we want to have kids, you know the grown up talk and it all keeps coming back to one thing... We are never going to get to leave Jacksonville because we are going to be here taking care of my mom, my grandmother, my mother and law and I suspect if my dad does not start taking care of himself better him to. It seems that everything is really starting to culminate recently and Greg and i just feel like everything is always hitting us in the face. We all know my mom has been ill for years now and that she is not going to get any better. So it really is just a matter of time before she starts going downhill. Well her eye sight is already alluding her and now this past month her ability to stand and walk have really taken a turn for the worse. She fell out getting out of the truck the other day and could not get her self up and her friend Vicki could not get her up even holding onto a chair. So they had to call rescue. The fire fighters very nicely came and picked her right up and did not even charge. Then come to find out because she did not tell me this she fell again in the house the same day. She sat on the floor for about an hour until my dad got home from work and he picked her up. When I hear things like that it is heart breaking. I think this month I am going to do some research about getting life alert something my grandma has in case she falls and no one is home. So that is my moms story. My grandmother as I have mentioned earlier fell in early June. As a result of the fall she had to have a shoulder replacement and was in a recovery home for about a month and a half. Her care was very time consuming. She is now home and improving everyday. However, since my aunt left to go back to Texas I have had to start taking Tuesdays and Thursdays off to care for her, clean the house, make sure she gets a shower and does not fall. Take her on errands and doctor appointments etc...all the while I should be doing this for my mother. The plus side is I have been eating at home a lot more because my aunt cooked a freezer full of food before she left. Thank you Laurelle! I believe she will improve but I don't think she will ever drive again, lord I hope not. Now my mother in law up until now has been a different story. She was diagnosed a few years ago with COPD a form of emphysema and within the past year a tumor in her heart. She has steadly gotten worse over the years. As of the past view weeks she has been expereinceing unsteadiness while getting up from a sitting postion and walking. We were over there visiting the other day and she fell right in front of us and knocked her head on the end table. Luckily she was ok but it scared the crap out of us. Well since then her balance has still been really bad and she has stumbled and fallen once more and she has been experiencing the shakes in her hands and legs, and has been really disoriented and such. She went in for her usual doctors appointment today and the dr. put her in the ER to do a cat scan, MRI etc... All of it has come out negative except that the COPD is beginning to deprive her of enough oxygen to disorient her, cause the shakes and knock her balance off. The worst part about it is there is nothing we can do about it, and we have no idea how long she has. She is just a wait and see and it is heart breaking for Greg and I. So now back to Greg and I's discussion. What the hell is he and I suppose to do? We can't have kids because we have enough family to care for and no healthy support. We can't move to experience new things and new cities because we will have to continue caring for our family. The worst thing that people say to me right now is "well you have to do what is best for you" "You need to move and do the things you want to before you regret it later on in life". Okay my only response to that is you go move away from your sick family and tell me how that works for you. Tell me that the guilt will not eat at you every moment. Just because I would away from home does not mean the problems will not exist or simply work themselves out. I don't have my sister to help and she won't talk about it because she feels guilty and my brother is going to be way to busy taking care of his family and trying to survive. Life just sucks right now. Every day I get out of bed and I wait for the phone to ring to tell when to be at the ER and who will be there waiting. It is not fun and i know it is a horrible view to have on life. I can't even look for a full time job right now because I have to be with my grandma and I'm pretty sure very soon my mother. I feel I have complained enough for the night. Write more later. Current Mood: discontentCurrent Music: Some T.V. show in the background | | Friday, August 26th, 2005 | | 3:04 pm |
Something Fun
1. What is your occupation? Vocational Evaluator II at FCCJ. 2. What was What was the last thing you ate? A chicken sandwhich. 3. Do you wish on stars? when I am looking at them. 4. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Not sure. 5. How is the weather right now? Rainy, usual hurricane is cutting across florida as we speak. 6. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My manager Tina. SO nice! 7. How old are you today? 23 8. Favorite drink? Coca Cola is there anything else to drink? 9. Favorite sport to watch? Olympics in general. 10. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes about once a year. 11. Do you wear contacts? Yes, thats all I wear. 12. Have any Pets? No, Grandma won't let me have any. 13. Favorite Month? July, My Anniversary month! 14. Favorite foods? I don't have a favorite, I love anything! Thats why I am overweight! 15. What was the last movie you watched? nicolas cage movie treasure something. 16. Favorite day of the year? July 1st wedding anniversary. 17. What do you do to vent anger? Just get pissed. 18. What was your favorite toy as a child? So many to choose from. Baby Blanket. 19. Fall or spring? I love the fall. 20. Hugs or kisses? Depends for who, Kisses for my family & close friends! 21. Cherry or Blueberry? CHERRIES 22. Do you want your friends to email you back? OF COURSE 23. Who is most likely to respond? Greg and Tessa 24. Who is least likely to respond? Friends and family who don't enjoy doing this kinda thing. 25. Living arrangements? Live in a Garage Apartment with my Husband Greg. 26. When was the last time you cried? Thinking about my future with my mom, grandma and my mother and law. Such a hopeless situation. 27. What is on the floor of your closet? Storage 28. Friend that you have had the longest? My twin sister Tessa. 29. What did you do last night? Ate dinner with Greg's mom and sister. 30. Favorite smell? Smells that remind me of great trips I have been on. 31. What are you afraid of? Loosing a family member. What happened to # 32? 33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? CHEESE HAMBURGERS!!!!!!!!!! 34. Favorite car? SUV 35. Favorite dog breed? Don't know. 36. Number of pertinent goodies on your key ring? Car beeper. 37. How many years at your current job? It will be 2 years in June! 38. What's your favorite day of the week? Saturday 39. How many states have you lived in? 1, Fl 40. How many cities have you lived in? 2, Jacksonville and Tallahassee. 41. Favorite place to vacation? Key West with Greg on our Honeymoon. 42. Dream vacation? Hands down it would be to Scottland and Alaska 43. What time is it now? 4:20 p.m. 44. What CD is in your car right now? Nothing. 45. If you could change your name what would you change to? I wouldn't, I love my name! 46. Who knows your deepest darkest secrets? Greg and Tessa. 47. Do you have any tattoos? 1, on my ankle. Represents me and Tess. 48. Any body piercings? Nope. 49. Favorite TV Shows? Miami Ink on TLC. (50. If you could have one wish come true what would it be? If you tell your wish it won't come true. Not Telling!!!! Current Mood: chipperCurrent Music: Big & Rich | | Monday, August 22nd, 2005 | | 2:27 pm |
boredom...
I am bored right now. It is about 2:30 pm and I have to some how find some thing to do here at work until about 4:30-5:00. I have been helping Greg out with the stuff that he has needed to do, which that luckily took up a while. I guess I will go and hit him up again and see if there is anything else that I can do to help. Well Tessa starts Graduate school next week. I am so jelous it is not even funny. I applied to an online program but my GRE scores were not the highest so I did not get accepted. So now I am just continuing working, helping my grandmother and parents. My question is when am I going to figure out what I want to do with my life? And when do I want to get to do something for my life? The few things that I know for sure right now are: I want to live somewhere else other than Jacksonville for a short while. I want to live and work for six months or so in London before I have kids.(got any ideas Carrie)? I want to one day get a masters degree. I want to visit Alaska and Oregon and many other places. I want to better my handwriting, such as the old script that people once wrote I want to own a house with Greg, to decorate any way I please! I want to have kids and name the girl Sauvi Lynn and the boy Julian Cannon. I want to have the best time in life with Greg. I will think of more things later, but that is it for now. Some of these things I know I will do in the next few years, others will take a lot longer. It will be interesting to see where I end up. Current Mood:  blankCurrent Music: Big & Rich "Rollin Rollin" | | Monday, August 8th, 2005 | | 12:17 pm |
Nothing...
I am once again falling into the trap where all I feel like I am doing is spinning in a circle. My days are consisting of going to work, spending time with Greg and figuring out which family member I need to visit next. All the while I am constantly trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I just feel so unsure of myself and directional less. Though, I did figure out what I want my next tattoo to be because it represents the way I feel everyday. In conversation Gertrude Stein once said "You are all a lost generation" referring to the thousands of men returning from the war who seemed like they had no direction in life and so on... so I want a compass, either a compass rose or your more traditional compass that you would carry around with you today and circling it I want the quote "we are a lost generation". I know it is not the quote that Stein said exactly but I am modifying it to fit me a little bit more and the people around me because I know I am not the only one out of my circle of friends and the rest of the people in this world who feel this way. I like this tattoo idea because it makes me realize that even though I am lost right now and don't really know what direction to go in that maybe one day I will find the right direction and start heading into it. Now I just have to find a tattoo artist who will do the script around the compass, without making it look to huge, then I want to put it on the top of my foot. Current Mood:  calm | | Friday, August 5th, 2005 | | 7:15 am |
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